ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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