I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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