five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
