Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
