you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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