I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
