my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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