Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
