you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Everclear isn't food dammit
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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