Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
