You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
