you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
