he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
