also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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