ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
