we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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