Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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