I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
