he wants to bone in the snuggie
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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