he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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