the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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