Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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