so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
