i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
