great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
