You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...