He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible