pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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