I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
it hurts more in the daytime
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.