just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.