you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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