Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
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That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
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Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*