You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
