No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
