Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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