she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
