Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
