just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
