Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
