I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
