Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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