i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
