That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
