oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
