): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
