I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
