I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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