I am puke
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
ttyl tear gas
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
