Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
