He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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