you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Will you blow on my dice?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
