omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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