he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
