some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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