When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
