And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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