i can't believe i had my finger in that
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
