Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
