I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
