I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
