Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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