my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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