Define "chronic" masturbator.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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