She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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