My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's shark week go big or go home
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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