i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
3 2 1 whiskey
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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