and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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