just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
