im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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