You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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