Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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