Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
